A whole lot of assumption but basically stemming from the odd notion that what your late spouse might have left you in the form of life insurance, marital home or other valuables is somehow still his or hers. Furthermore, it becomes the property of someone else, who is now free to do whatever the hell they want with it. I have seldom witnessed someone inherit from a parent or grandparent and not piss the money away like trailer trash with a Power Ball jackpot. And because I was completely stunned that anyone would ask such a question at such a time, I told her. It wasn’t until much later – after mother-in-law absconded with money from the memorial that was meant to help cover the expense of it – that I realized the inquiry about life insurance was about calculating her cut.
As my late husband lay in the intensive care before being moved to hospice, his mother sent her best friend to query me about life insurance. You would be amazed – or maybe not – by the people who truly believe that inheritance is a given and have their hands out sometimes way in advance of your death.
While dating a widower with children can present it own set of challenges, particularly if the passing of his spouse was recent or unexpected, it is still possible to develop a warm and fulfilling relationship.
Just keep in mind that dating a widower can require a bit of extra patience, understanding and a willingness to allow him space to express his feelings. Even if your new love interest has had ample time to grieve the loss of his spouse, his children may still be dealing with the loss of their parent -- and he may be trying to help them deal with their pain.
Trying to involve yourself in their lives too quickly or too aggressively may have the adverse reaction of pushing your date away as he tries to cope with his feelings and help his children cope with theirs.
If you sense that your partner needs time alone, give him that time. Give your new partner the freedom to dictate how the relationship will progress, including when and how you will interact with his children.
And if we did a good job raising them, they really shouldn’t be running to us with their hands out – ever. Yes, I would agree, but inheritance doesn’t fall into that category.
Inheritance is a form of expectation based upon nothing more than the notion that because you sired or birthed them, they are entitled to some sort of monetary reward triggered by your death.
They have visions of “their” inheritances being used frivolously by step-parents for outrageous things like …
eating or paying the property tax and keeping a roof over their elderly heads. Their mommy or daddy would have wanted you to put your new spouse at the mercy of your greedy kids because after all, she or he worked themselves to death for the money that was left to you. They took out that life insurance or built up the retirement plan to take care of you. Not your grown up kids, who you should have been taught well enough to be able to pay their own bills, save for their own retirement and goodies. Money we inherit is no longer anyone’s money but ours.
It’s wonderful when we can leave our kids, or grandkids, a little something, or even a lot of something, but we should shy far away from leading them to expect this from us.