A feminist dater or boyfriend (and yes, feminists have boyfriends) is aware of the ways women have traditionally been held back, by others and by our own accord, and actively pushes against that. As an experiment, Megan Downey, a 24-year-old social marketing specialist in Washington, has a very succinct Tinder profile: a few pictures of herself and the word “feminist.” “I was just wondering if there were men out there who were not afraid of the word ‘feminist,’ ” she tells me.
But if I want to spend time with someone and see if there’s something there, I’m comfortable initiating a first date — or a non-date date, depending on how bold I’m feeling.
In fact, I was so bold when it came to love that when I was having trouble mustering the chutzpah to apply for a promotion a few years ago, a friend said to me, “Lisa, if this job were a guy, you would’ve gone on a first date already.” That was all it took for my workplace assertiveness to kick in.
For other women, though, it might be the other way around.
He’s not the only one who should be strong and sensitive.
But how do you spot a male feminist if he’s not at an abortion rights rally wearing a “This Is What a Feminist Looks Like” T-shirt? After all, as Aziz Ansari said on David Letterman’s show recently, everyone’s a feminist now.
So go ahead, alert Susan Patton, Lori Gottlieb and the rest of the get-married-already crowd: A 30-something single woman, eggs unfrozen, is telling other single women that they should dare to want it all if they ever hope to have it all.
Sometimes expressing feelings doesn’t feel “brave” or “bold,” but stereotypically girly.
When Annie Werner tells me about her recent breakup — “I was dumped because my self-assuredness was unrelatable” — her indignation is extremely relatable.
The label isn’t everything; living it is more important than saying it. (Maybe his own name is pretty generic.) If he insists on doing the dishes after you’ve cooked dinner together but proceeds to whip the dish towel at your ass, is that playful or objectifying?
(Both.) Is he sexist if he cancels an Uber ride because a female driver is on her way to pick the two of you up?
(Definitely.) Does he need to believe that men and women, are equals and should be treated as such?