I wonder if anyone out there has gone through these feelings and persisted and made things work. I would think that it's okay every now and then for you to feel the way that you feel.
Anyone in your situation may, at some point, feel overshadowed by a spouse that has passed away, but from your post it appears that you are bothered by this alot, or your discomfort is a constant, and if that's the case then it seems that you just aren't cut out for this relationship.
I wonder about this: Is it immature or misguided for me to feel like I want to be just so special to her and feel like I'm competing for that special place with her husband? So her consistent message to me has been "I AM Ready and I want YOU!
So when I saw her expressions in describing the events surrounding his sudden death I felt like if she could have him back she would.
It's all hard to reconcile in my mind; I do want to have a special and unique place in her heart.
Also, I wonder if she is really as ready as she thinks she is to have this relationship. There is so much good and natural about us being together, I'd hate to step away just out of fear and insecurity (if that's what this is).
I'd welcome any thoughts or insights as I am beginning to feel like I should pull away and just give it time.
You say that she has assured you many times that she cares for you and can imagine a future with you.
But still, you are haunted by the ghost of her dead husband and can't bear to see her express any type of grief or sadness concerning him.
We have talked openly about all of this several times, she seems to have a healthy attitude saying she was really down for a while during this time but has come to the realization she wants to live and love again.
She had dated 2 other men for a few months before she met me.
We talked about it and she said that just as she could be the love of my life (after the relationships that I have already had), I could also be the Love of her Life. This seems right to her, but she is still pulled back by memories and the comfort of the past. We just seem to "click" and I know that it's a rare and special thing.