And yet, just this week, a new analysis from Michigan State University found that online dating leads to fewer committed relationships than offline dating does — that it doesn’t work, in other words.That, in the words of its own author, contradicts a pile of studies that have come before it. While a failed relationship may feel like a personal failure, the reality is that you’ll be “failing” in dating all the time until you meet the “one.” So unless you’re blessed to date your soul mate on your first date, you’re going to rack up quite a few dating “failures.” Reframing your mind will help you to maintain perspective on dating “failures” and preserve your self-esteem. Whether or not you’re in a relationship does not determine your greatness. Things are happening behind the scenes, even when it’s not at the speed which you would prefer. Take pride in your efforts and keep the traits that make you a better person. I know the hope may be deep within you, but that glimmer of hope is what makes you a great person.
For starters, there’s this greater cultural issue of how we define relationship success: Is it marriage? Is it what Ok Cupid’s data team calls a “fourway” — four messages back and forth between two semi-interested parties?
That’s a tough one to parse, and different studies have defined it different ways.
It’s a simple question and a common one — one whose answer could determine the fates of both a multi-billion dollar industry and millions of lonely hearts.
It’s a question that seems distinctly answerable: we have user data, surveys, clear metrics for success or failure, entire books full of colorful charts.
If we parsed their fates according to the exact venue in which they met, or any other number of arbitrary factors, we would probably turn up the same kind of confusing, self-contradicting results that research into online dating perennially seems to.
But those contradictions wouldn’t be blamed on the Internet — we’d credit the vagaries of the human heart.
“On Tinder everything’s disposable, there’s always more, you move on fast,” one Tinder-user told the Guardian Monday, explaining how the app had single-handedly transformed her from a serial monogamist to a hook-up artiste.
And yet, by the end of the interview, she’s off Tinder and in a relationship with a guy she met on the app.
Don’t despair; struggling is normal and a part of the process. The path to success is laced with failures along the way. Only be afraid of not trying at all, for that is true failure. No matter how hard you try to find the “one,” it’s ultimately out of our hands.
Before I got married I thought I’d never meet the “one.” The struggle and pain I felt was unbearable. The way to be a success in life and love is to try. Whether you’re in a relationship or not is not always up to you.
Surely online dating has fed this trend in part, providing the constant buffet of alternative options that sociologists say plays a large part in determining whether a relationship fails; but at the same time, apps like Tinder could never have caught on if people weren’t already approaching sex and dating more casually.