Think: "Looking for someone who loves old movies / who reads / who's active and enjoys the outdoors." Not: "Looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, who supports me unconditionally, and loves me for all my flaws." (We all want that, but shoving it in everyone's face right off the bat can feel intimidating, oppressive, and desperate.)“There is nothing less informative than, ‘I am very close to my family and friends’ or ‘I love to go to dinner and hang out with my family and friends,’" Salkin says.
Nothing special, but you’d like to be able to at least go the movies every weekend and buy her nice things.
Yeah, I’m in school now and working towards something.
Often, they just haven’t found a compatible match, or they’re self-aware enough to realize that they still need to work on themselves before bringing another person in their lives. This feeling alludes to the common stereotype of the successful black women and her unrealistic and uncompromising standards—think any character Gabrielle Union has ever played—an idea Berook quickly shoots down: It’s not that sistas’ standards are too high.
If I had an already successful daughter, I’d want her to date an already successful man.
—the 1997 romantic comedy that made everyone think Kevin Smith was the next Woody Allen when he really just turned out to be Nicholas Sparks with Tourette’s—there’s a scene where Banky (Jason Lee) is trying to convince his best friend Holden (Ben Affleck) that the woman Holden has fallen in love with, Alyssa (played by a surprisingly fetching Joey Lauren Adams), is still a lesbian (she “became” straight after meeting Holden) and will eventually leave Holden and break his heart. ♦◊♦I’m reminded of this scene every time I remind people that the dating game isn’t exactly smooth sailing for every 21- to 35-year-old black man. Census, while only 24% of white women and 23% of Asian women have never been married, a staggering 45% of black women have never walked down the aisle, a fact that’s mainly due to the lack of eligible black male options. Not bad for a ghost.♦◊♦Berook’s statement reflected a trend I’ve noticed among the educated men in my social and occupational circles: a trend split into racial lines.
To punctuate his point, Banky draws a picture where the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a “typical” man-hating lesbian, and a “male-affectionate” lesbian (representing Alyssa) are at opposite ends of a four-way road. Between the statistics showing that there’s something like 179,000 black women to every eligible black male in each desirable metropolitan area, the studies proving that black women are perpetually out-everything-ing black men, and the ubiquitous stories about condom-challenged brothas like New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromardie—guys who seem to be single-handedly attempting to re-populate the island from I’m sure that if I told a random dating-aged sista that there are actually black guys out there who genuinely want to be in a relationship (with a black woman! But if so, if these somewhat star-crossed men were mere figments of my imagination, I guess that was a bunch of bespectacled ghosts I saw at a Foreign Exchange concert a few weekends ago, mouthing each of Phonte’s lyrics while scanning the crowd to find the type of muse that would make a man write “Greater Than the Sun.” That must be an apparition who sends me a text message at least once a week, asking if my girlfriend has any newly single homegirls looking to “build with a brotha.” And I definitely must’ve dreamt up the dozens of game nights, weekly wing specials, and house parties I’ve attended in the past several years, the dozens of conversations I’ve had with the dozens of single men also in attendance, guys desperately seeking “their own Michelle [Obama].”“The cards are stacked in favor of guys, but not every guy is in a place to take advantage of the number discrepancy,” says Berook, a 24-year-old who, between singing in his church’s choir, rooting for the Redskins, and memorizing entire Kevin Hart routines, somehow finds time to work towards a Ph. I’m sure it wouldn’t shock anyone’s system to hear that while the majority of the 25- to 40-year-old white men I know are married, the majority of the brothas in that age range are single or dating with no marriage plans in the near future.Whatever dating service you choose, take time to polish your profile, says Lori Salkin, dating coach at Saw You at Sinai.Avoid swear words, as these can make some people wary, and use spellcheck to be sure you don’t come off as careless or… But don’t be afraid to be funny and show your sense of humor.Uploading untruths attracts folks who don’t share your true interests and courts difficulty once you have to explain yourself.If you’re not a partier, don’t post a shot of you out and about with a beer in each hand.Nor should you see a dating profile as a platform to outline your political agenda, pet peeves with humanity, or all the insights you've gained from therapy.