And at one point, after getting fed up over something he did, I texted my friend Sarah and said “I don’t think I even want to date him anymore.” She texted me back, “Then that’s your answer.”So when he told me through tears one Friday that he’d slept with someone else instead of calling me, I broke it off.I cried in the cab on the way home, while the driver passed me tissues through the change slot in the plexiglass that separated us. But by mid-afternoon, I realized that I had learned an important lesson in the act of DTR.But I’m actually someone who prefers boundaries and labels — and there’s nothing wrong with that.
We hit it off, moving swiftly to text message, which is where he asked the question I always look forward to in a new dating situation: “What are you looking for?
” I told him that I wasn’t one to rush into things (practice makes perfect, guys), but that I wanted to find someone to build a relationship with. But when you like someone, and your schedules align, and you’re in that beginning flush of a new relationship, and you’re stoked as fuck, then it’s easy to get carried away.
With Jude, I saw the red flags, and realized he wasn’t a person I wanted to move forward with.
And even though I wasn’t the one to end things, that realization was golden to me.
My “don’t-sleep-with-anyone-else-while-you’re-sleeping-with-me” rule is one of those boundaries, because I’ve learned I fall hard for men after we’ve been intimate, and I don’t like sharing.
After Jude, I won’t have regular sleepovers with a dude until he’s earned my trust and the privilege of spending all that time in my space.
Rushing the labels in my relationships allowed me to overlook a lot of the red flags that would typically keep me from moving forward with a person.
I knew the cerebral ass hat was a cerebral ass hat deep down, but since I was high on the feeling of having a real-life “boyfriend,” I squashed those feelings and focused on the few positives in our relationship. Now, this isn’t to say that there won’t be issues in future relationships I have. But it’s important to figure out if your shit jives with their shit before you lock ‘em down, because it’s harder to confront the bigger issues with a person when you’re deep in the love trap.
In the past, I’d rush the boyfriend tag, because it made me feel like he wasn’t going to leave me — and, back then, I .
And since I didn’t need him, or any relationship, I was able to step back, slow down, consider what I actually wanted, and whether or not he fit into that — even while, on the outside, it seemed like we were chugging along at a clip.
And, most damningly, I surge through relationships.